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Dangerous Play

May 6, 2012

Friday night, I went to my Parents’ place to pick up S as usual. After sometime, Amma called me to the room, indicating she wanted to discuss something with me. I just thought she wanted to talk about some cousin, some neighbour or some random thing like that. But it was unusual for her to call me aside for a private talk. S had gone out with my Appa and V and my siblings were watching TV.

After I went in, she narrated what had happened to S that noon. S and her friend A had been playing together at my Parents’ place that noon. A was S’s friend from her Play school. She was a  class higher to S at school, but age wise, just 5-6 months older to S. She had been dropped at my Parents’ place by one of her ‘Aunts’ . This aunt was A’s mother’s s cousin and she takes care of A when A’s parents are away at work. A’s parents are doctors. Since last month, when the summer holidays began, A has been dropping in to play with S at my Parents’ place and S has been going to A’s place to play. I was initially a bit reluctant to allow S to stay back at A’s place with out my mom, but then thought I shouldn’t be over protective towards S and deny her the joy of playing with her friends at their place, without us always hovering around her. Also, I had been teaching her about ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’ and thought staying back at a friend’s house to play was the next step in her growth.

Coming back to that noon, A & S had been playing in the living room downstairs for some time and then went upstairs. My Amma had been keeping an eye on and off on them from the kitchen. When they went upstairs, she didn’t immediately rush behind them, but thought she would go up after a while- may be 10 minutes or so. After 10 minutes or so, and before she could go up, S came down to her with her frock lifted up and undies pulled down. Amma was horrified when S asked her to pull out something from her ‘bad touch’ as it was hurting her. A small piece, about the size of a 1 Rupee coin, but much thicker,which was part of a puzzle was stuck in her vagina! Amma pulled it out and S burst out crying.  A had stuffed it there it seems.Amma then pacified her and scolded both S & A that they SHOULD not be playing like that. She was worried about S as she was sobbing with pain. S didn’t let Amma examine her vagina and after some cajoling Amma managed to examine her and saw that it had reddened in that area but couldn’t make out any thing else.

When A’s aunt came to pick her up, Amma narrated this to her and said she was worried as S was crying badly when she had to pee beause of the pain. A’s aunt was also aghast and told Amma that she would send A’s mom over to have a look at S. On seeing her aunt, A till then who had managed to maintain her composure, started crying and rushed out of the house.

A’s mom had come and left only a few minutes before we reached home that night. She was also aghast and apologised to Amma and told her that they had warned A not to repeat this and had threatened that she would be sent to jail if she repeated her behaviour. She had also asked her aunt to leave her alone in a room for some time as a punishment. Amma told her that as S and A had been playing together, both of them were guilty and A alone shouldn’t be blamed. S could have also objected and stopped A from doing it. She was worried as S was crying because of the pain but now she seemed to be better. A’s mom had apologised again before she left and had said she had no clue why S & A ended up doing something like that.

After narrating this, Amma suggested that  I talk to S in private after getting back to my place and not to yell at her. Not that I keep yelling at S, but Amma thought I might do so as I had been talking to S about ‘GT BT’ and she hadn’t done as what I had told her to. She also mentioned that she had asked S why she didn’t come down immediately to her when A started touching her’ bad touch’ but all S said was A didn’t stop and let her go. I told Amma that A’s mom must not have been so harsh with her and that A herself was almost the same age as S and may be didn’t realise that it could be dangerous.

I made some small talk with S on the way back home, hoping she would voluntarily share the afternoon’s events with me. But she didn’t, even when I purposely brought A’s name. She only mentioned them playing them together but nothing about the incident. Later, when we got back home, I called S to my room and asked her if it hurt whe she did su-su. It was only then that she hesitantly shared the details with me. After listening to her, I asked her why she didn’t  rush to her paati(grand mom) when A started touching in her ‘bad touch’ and why she didn’t stop A fom doing it. Hasn’t Amma told you about not letting anyone touching your badtouch, I asked her. She said ‘sorry amma’ and that A didn’t listen to her when she told her not to touch. I expalined to her about ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’ ad told her that she has to NOT let anybody other than me, V or her grandmothers (MIL & Amma) touch her there and that too only to clean her while bathing and cleaning after doing potty or su-su. I even asked her if they had ‘played’ like this at A’s house or another friend’s ( one more place where she was left to play without us) and replied ‘no’.

Am glad that  S was not hurt dangerously but troubled that she came very close to it. And was a bit dis appointed that S had not RUSHED away immediately when A had started touching her ‘there’, inspite of all my ‘good touch bad touch’ talk since the last few weeks. I have no clue why A did something like that, but am sure she also would have realised that her ‘play’ could hurt her friend. But how did she even think of someting like that is what am curious it possible that she has observed her doctor parents examining patients and with the ‘innovativeness’ and ‘curiosity’ of a child decided to implement it on her friend? I hope that this incident and her parents’ scoldings don’t psychologically affect  A but hope she has learnt that how dangerous her ‘play’ can be.

My point is, even though we talk about ‘GT BT’ to kids, when the time comes, do they really act accordingly. Though S repeats dutifully what she has to do in case anybody touches her inappropriately, why didn’t she do it? Was it possible that she was curious to know what A was trying to do to her and didn’t really try hard to stop her? or that she kind of liked the ‘tingly’ feeling when A touched her and wanted to feel it more, without realising she could get hurt in the process? Isn’t it dangerous, with a child she got hurt, it could have been much more worse if it had been a adult tring to do it. Kids are so vulnerable and also so helpless, aren’t they? I just wish S learns fast to put to practice about what she is being taught about ‘GT BT’.


From → S Tales

  1. Its so scary! 😦
    Hope S is doing well now. Take care!

  2. I came here blog hopping. It just took my curiousity when i read this topic. This is scary. I do have 2 kids girl and a boy. I keep tellling them about their private parts and how they ave to react to such touches. But the scare never subsides. I can see here that A is a small girl as well but how could or what made he rdo it??? Glad S was ok after sometime. Hugs to S and may she get bold enough to object when anybody does this.

    • Hi Sumana! Thanks for dropping by!
      Yes..CSA is something that is always on the back of my mind . I keep reminding S about ‘Good Touch’ and ‘Bad Touch’ now and then. But it was only after this incident that I have started stressing that nobody, including kids of her age should touch her private parts. Earlier I was worried about adults abusing kids, but looks like kids can cause harm as well.

      Even I am surprised that a 4/5 year old could do something like this and still don’t know what made her do that. S is fine now and yes, I keep hoping that she doesn’t let something of this sort happen to her again 🙂

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